Last night was really a rude awakening of the society around me. Thanks to the Buhari economy,I had to do a lot of Public transportation (a delight whenever it happens). So I flagged down this tricycle (Keke Marwa) at the dead of the night and announced my destination, he motions me in and starts to move like he belongs in the world of Need For Speed. He keeps moving like the wind until he almost collides with a bunch of violence hungry soldiers, eagerly waving their koboko at him; surprisingly it all did not get out of hand at that time. The Tricycle rider yelled a few curse words at the soldiers, and started to speed even more mindlessly. I was so happy that he finally picked up another passenger, after which he decided to take his speed down a little. Thank heavens!
The rider finally gets to stop his desired bus-stop, after which the passenger reached for his wallet and pulled out wads of cash (500 naira notes) and tells the driver that he has no change. The rider immediately goes bonkers yelling; “por only pipty naira?, me no get change!” After getting delayed for a number of minutes,I had to volunteer to make the payment on behalf of the passenger. I sighed in relief thinking I had experienced enough drama for one night. I got off the Keke Marwa, crossed the busy roundabout where everyone seems to be aiming for road-kill. It seems I secretly wanted something to talk about, so got on another Keke still on this struggle to my destination. I got in being the only passenger, then I got joined by two additional men at the back seat after which I was expecting our journey to begin,but alas! The rider wanted an additional passenger to share his seat as a co-driver (How ridiculous). A pretty rotund lady appears to be the passenger that might share the drivers seat,but she hesitates, so the driver begs for the man on my right to volunteer to seat with him in front , while the lady seats at the back. The guy at the back expertly became deaf and refused to move. The lady left angrily to board another Tricycle. We had to wait another full 15 minutes before we got another passenger to willingly join the driver in front, and set out on our never ending journey.
It’s sad to say, but this new driver also drove like a daredevil; aiming for speed bumps and potholes, and rivaling the speed limit of even trailers. Eventually, the passenger in front motioned to the driver to stop for him to alight, then hands the driver a 100 Naira note, and then demands for change of 50 Naira; immediately, the driver's face formed into a grimace as he started yelling; “I tell am por you before ya enta,everywhere na 100Naira” .The passenger angrily reached for the keys to the tricycle and then started to wrestle with the driver. I sat dumbfounded in the back seat, as I watched these two grown men try to beat one another to a pulp. As if things were not bad enough the passenger out of nowhere brought out an eating fork, and started attempting to pluck out the driver’s eyeball. I was seriously appalled, this man was prepared to make the other man blind for the rest of his life,just because of 50 Naira? WTF?
I could not stomach it all anymore, so I yelled out telling them that I would pay the 50 Naira difference they were fighting about. The passenger panting heavily, held up his fighting fork menacingly as he warned the driver about, having his eyes for dinner, and the driver in turn responded; “I go kill me…I go kill me”
Finally, the driver came back into the tricycle, as I handed him the balance of the fork-fighting passenger.The passenger still filled with rage, leaped into the air and tried to smash the windshield of the tricycle, OMG! This is just a crazy night. We spent forever trying to settle that, but at long last I was on my way home, all spent and angry from all the drama of the night. I seriously wonder what heading home tonight will bring too, so until then, for those who get the tune being referenced: LO-LO-LO-LOCAL WRITER!
GIF Credit: Eran Mendel